Dear Readers (yes, both of you), I have just got back from my holiday on the Gold Coast so, back to business as usual.

Now at the risk of falling into a homesick malaise and having to take my own advice (and who wants to do THAT?) I have written a brief list of surprising things that I miss about living in the UK. I have tried to stay away from the more obvious ones such as family and focus on the odd, the quirky and the individual. This is not comprehensive by any means but this is what’s been on my mind.

Birds singing. And by this I mean actually singing as in producing pleasant tweeting, whistling, musical sounds. Not squawking, shrieking and the other blood-curdling sounds that the birdlife around my house seem to generate. I will just make a special comment on the local crows here. Yes I know we have crows in the UK but I can only describe the ones in Perth as crows on steroids. Some of them seem to be the size of chickens and obviously have no fear at all as they fix you with their baleful stare…and their loud “man-being-throttled” caw is a terrible, terrible thing to have to listen to. In contrast, click on the link here to hear a Robin singing his little heart out.

Architecture. I know nothing about architecture other than some buildings are beautiful and they add a tiny bit of quality to your day when you see them. England abounds with world famous buildings such as Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace, York Minster and so on but there is a diversity and quality to be found in everyday life – even unlikely places like Wakefield.

I worked in Leeds City Centre for almost 10 years and I always appreciated the Victoria Quarter, the Town Hall, the Kirkgate Markets etc. I miss that.

In contrast, most of Perth seems to have been built out of beige Lego – with all the complicated pieces removed (although a few remained to make THIS monstrosity)

Shopping. OK this is a bit predictable but it has to be said. I miss the variety and the good value available in the UK shops and I REALLY miss the convenient opening hours. Over here our local shopping centre closes at 6pm (and even earlier on Saturdays – 5pm) and it doesn’t open on Sundays at all, except during school holidays for some reason. This means that our “big” supermarkets like Coles and Woolworths are pretty much out of bounds after work hours and that only leaves shonky little delis and IGA’s open. In the UK I would often do the weekly grocery shopping on a weekday evening to free up time at the weekend but over here it HAS to be done on a Saturday – remembering of course that  almost everything is shut on a Sunday (shades of my 1970’s childhood). Very inconvenient.

By the way, my Australian wife has devoted much of her life to getting her dollar to go further. When I took her to an ASDA in Leeds back in 2007 the poor thing nearly passed out!

Buy ONE get one FREE??? At 9pm ??? Swoon…..

Accents and Banter. I have a Yorkshire accent and sometimes I do get tired with not sounding like everyone else and being “the odd one out”. Occasionally I get a near tribal urge to talk with people who sound like I do, use the same phrases, the same slang, laugh at the same kind of jokes and generally get that feeling  that “I am among my own”. I don’t know if nostalgia is playing a part here but I seem to have had much better conversations and just general chat back in the UK. I’m afraid there are way too many people in Perth who are keen to talk about topics like “how often I water my lawn” and even at things like footy games there is a sterile atmosphere devoid of banter and wit…

Frost and or Snow. Odd that the weather should get a mention when talking about living in England but there you go – eventually you can tire of 300 days of sunshine per year and yearn for something different. I used to like opening the curtains on a morning and get that blast of white when there had been a hard frost or that special kind of quiet you get when it is snowing. I haven’t seen frost or snow for 8 years now.

Bells. Another weird one. I used to live near both the Town Hall and the Cathedral so every hour on the hour a deep, sonorous “bong” reverberated around the house. A bit like “News at Ten” used to be on ITV. And bellringing practise was held on Tuesday nights at the Cathedral so we used to get that as well. Its amazing how quickly you get used to such things and then, when they are not there, you miss them.

And that seems like a fitting note to end this post on.